All You Need Is Inside of You

It is true when they say pain and grief is personal many times terribly lonely. Everyone else can only speculate. And even though one is familiar with it, it’s just never the same. It comes in all levels, shades and colors. It is also in such times you get to truly know, understand and appreciate those around you. Some join because they truly identify, others don’t the rest they just want to be there perhaps maybe ease in whichever way works and most you won’t see them.
My mom would often be in a conversation with our neighbor across or a visitor and say something like Steel , pots and precious minerals will always be in the fire alone. Often it’s too hot for others to come close except the artist whose minding them. Until it’s finally on display don’t expect much. So revel in those times grow in depth and heart. Walk with your Creator in truth. Only He and you know your journey and if you look around you will notice He didn’t and never leaves tough as is to believe. Then I’d later add, at least when you hit the display no one will beat their chest ‘if it wasn’t for me…’
In her words, ‘I don’t want anyone to come here and take God’s glory in my life. I was created, born, served , got married, served had you people and continued serving through Him as He let me.  I might be going through the pain of hell in my life being sick right now but I can still look around me and see grace, love and selfless unashamed care that beats the pain. For this reason I must live. Live to see His promises, you my children grow, go and grow some more‘. I mean, it’s every parents’ dream to see their children’s first everything. Smile, tooth, word, walk, school day, graduation, first work day, be in love ,marry, first grandchild  then start all over with the grandchildren their love swelling ever bigger than they could imagine possible.
And so she soldiered on giving us strength, courage and hope. The kind when people look at you, then somehow discover what you are going through they give you that special look. I’m sure you know it. Sometimes you can clearly see their thoughts and minds written across their faces, writing , body language and tone. Then comes the common question. ‘You ? How? Or I didn’t know, Where do you get the strength?… How do you go through this?
Amazingly during such visits they’d start talking and it’s like a transformation just took place. They’re is so much energy, pain goes and they’d share, counsel,  pray together and so much time flies a visit that was declared meant to be short upon arrival spins into hours. And yes she will tell you the truth as is with love encased. I’d look at her and tell myself blessed are they that will have her as a mother in law because to her they’d be like children from her very womb I’m almost happily jealous of them thinking about this then move on to other random or specific thoughts with whatever else I’m doing. At the end the visit they’d say, ‘Mama, we came to encourage you but we’ve been shamed. We leave this place encouraged, lifted and challenged. How you do it I don’t know but like you’ve said God has been and may He continue to be’.
Honestly we never thought about it at least I never did. It only hit me when someone asked. My response being standard an almost blank stare and I don’t know or i’m not sure i can explain it in a language you will understand look but grace, grace. I know God’s there I don’t focus on it as a problem I just live through it. For some people ,such a response should have me sent to a counselor just in case I’m in denial or living an alternative reality in my head.
Greater is He that’s in me than in the world. 
When you go or are going through the test of fire and it’s too hot for anyone to come close except your curator , find your strength within. Revel in those times. See the beauty around you hold on to it. Smile if you can. Whatever you need to go through it is right within you.
So in the most difficult days I remember this, repeat all these words in my head,then say I know I-we are not alone.  All I need is right in here. If you place it or think it’s elsewhere you’ll be terribly broken and when you have already been broken, pieces being put together,  the last thing you want is to shutter again.
So, my dear reader, everytime you remember this post and share, I hope you always find the much needed strength for whenever you need it right within you, conquer what you need to then come tell us about it. Each time you find yourself staring at water (your life) and an object is thrown into it (take your pick then make your guess) in the midst of those ripples, try find and focus on your reflection hopefully through it you will see more things worth reaching for.
You are Never Alone. I love this song. Its lyrics in the first two stanzas is my prayer for you but if you still feel tempted to think you are still alone for good measure here’s another beautiful song by the same time title.

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